The Continuing Saga of Batshit

Julian Tavarez has opted for free agency rather than accepting an assignment by the Brewers to Triple-A Nashville.  In his seven relief appearances for Milwaukee, Batshit was charged with ten runs, seven of them earned.  The other three runs scored on a throwing error by Tavarez himself. 

But loyal fans of the Brew Crew need not fret!  Captain Blownsavebeard is scheduled to make one more rehab start before rejoining the team!

CHB on Schilling

CHB has written the inevitable Curt Schilling column, filled with faint praise ("he was never boring") and underhanded jabs.  

Don't get me wrong - there are things to gripe about when it comes to Schilling, like his tendency towards self-aggrandizement or his political posturing.   But instead, CHB blasts Curt for being a celebrity, for talking to radio hosts, and for blogging.   He even manages to to take some shots at "blog-boys" and devout Christians along the way.  

CHB's main complaint is that the Sox risked $8 million on a 41 year old pitcher.   In hindsight, resigning Schilling may have been a mistake.  But it is hardly a costly mistake relative to the Sox $133 million payroll.  Its only a third of a Clement, right? 

CHB's most legitimate question is whether  Schilling deserves to go to the Hall of Fame.  But his argument is atrocious.   CHB claims that Schilling's 216 wins "just doesn't cut it - not unless Bert Blyleven and Jack Morris go in first."  

Sigh.  Even this tongue-wagging blog-boy knows that wins is an imperfect measure of talent, and career wins is more likely to be a measure of longevity rather than dominance.   In terms of career ERA+, Curt posts a 127, equivalent to Hall of Famers Tom Seaver, Bob Gibson, and Goose Gossage (and superior to Blyleven's 118 and Morris' 105).  Schilling is also second all time in K/BB, thirteenth all time in K/9 IP, and his 1.137 WHIP is in Catfish Hunter and Bruce Sutter territory.

CHB also claims that "October numbers are somewhat artificial."  Fair enough, the fact that teams now play three lengthy series does inflate postseason batting statistics.  But doesn't it also make Schilling's 2.23 ERA and 10-2 record that much more impressive?  And yes, being part of one of the most memorable incidents in baseball playoff history certainly counts for something. 

Bottom line - keep Curt out of Washington, but he belongs in Cooperstown.

Team Clutch

Entertaining come from behind win last night.  If you combine that with Youk's extra inning smash over the weekend, the Sox have had a flair for the dramatic recently.  

During the postgame, Caron and Eckersley were making a big deal about how this is already the nineteenth come from behind victory for the Sox this season.  Impressive, sure, but is this necessarily a good thing?  We can all enjoy the eighth inning mojo of Sweet Caroline, but if your team is routinely playing catch up it usually means (a) you aren't very good in the first place and (b) at some point, your luck will run out and you will regress to the mean (I am looking at you Tampa Bay).  

Sabermetric types claim to have refuted the notion that players might be "clutch", but what about teams?  Are certain teams more prone to the come from behind than others and does this correlate with overall talent / home field advantage / chicken sacrifices to Jobu?

Other random observations:

-  Despite his blurred vision, Youk makes a late appearance as a defensive replacement.  That guy is so clutchy.

-  Eric Byrnes' porn stache makes a late disappearance.

-  Expandicate your vocabulary:  "molinas" and "the moyer effect".

The Decline of Western Civilization

Forget 2Pac versus Biggie! Its RedFace McBasethrower verses

El Homophobe Grande in a gangsta rap battle for the ages!

The Most Overrated Players

Sports Illustrated polled five hundred major league baseball players to get their opinion on "who is the most overrated player in the league?"   The results are equal parts predictable and surprising:

1.  Derek Jeter

2.  Barry Zito

3.  (tie) Alex Rodriguez, J.D. Drew

4.  (tie) David Wright, Kevin Youkilis

With Jeter slugging a meager .381 and posting a laughable 93 OPS+, I can't really disagree with the top pick.  (Maybe we'll have to redefine "to jeterate"?)

Similarly, the appearance of Zito on the list is no big shocker given his disastrous season - a 6.32 ERA and 1.932 WHIP - not to mention his inflated $14.5 million paycheck.  But given that everyone in San Francisco not named Brian Sabean knew the Zito deal was a dog makes it had to claim he was "overrated".

Aside from that, I am pretty surprised by the appearance of Slappy McBluelips and Mr. Roboto in the third spot tie.  Whatever you think about his charming personality, A-Rod leads the league in slugging, is fifth in OBP, and has a 178 OPS+.  Drew - despite his reported cardiovascular deficiencies - is second in OBP, third in slugging, and has a 170 OPS+.  I would say these two are rated just about fine.

I also can't figure out why Wright and Youkilis are on the list.  Maybe its because the two are young, up and coming players who get showered with a lot of praise by sabermetric geeks like Bill James?  Whatever the reason, its hard to argue with Wright's numbers - .480 slugging, 126 OPS+, on pace for a fourth straight 100+ RBI season.  And Youkilis may not be a greek god in the clubhouse showers, but he has been slugging .530 with a 137 OPS+.  Also, at $5.2 and $3 million respectively, these guys are steals.

Its hard to take the SI poll too seriously, of course.  The players answering the survey are probably defining "overrated" using a "number of Stuart Scott booyas awarded * batting average or W-L record" formula.  But if I had to make my top five overrated list, it might look something like this:

1.  Richie Sexson:  paid $15 million to post a .294 OBP.

2.  Andruw Jones:  banking $14 million for a 42 OPS+.

3.  Roy Oswalt:  receiving $13 million in exchange for an abysmal 83 ERA+.

4.  Gary Sheffield:  Detroit is paying the injury hobbled outfielder approximately $1.1 million for each of his 12 RBIs.

5.  Mark Buehrle:  raking in $14 million for a decidedly mediocre 101 ERA+, good for a 4-6 record.

Buzz is Back!

Buzz Bissinger is back!  He still believes blogs are "malicious and cruel."  He "apologizes" to Will Leitch in the passive voice.  He advocates a sportswriter-led coup d'etat to rewrite the constitution.

But the best part of the Boston Phoenix article that features Buzz's antidemocratic ramblings is not the text, but the fantastic illustration by Rob Zammarchi that accompanies the piece.  From this photorealistic picture, I learned two things:

1.  You can tell a blogger by the swarm of disembodied team logos that flutter around them demanding to be licked

2.  Sportswriters receive all of their hot tips from a horde of talking carrier pigeons, who in exchange for information demand tasty buttered popcorn

Game Six Twitters

The Celtics are WORLD CHAMPIONS!  And what a way to do it with a thirty nine point beat down.  In a league that has become all about superstars and offense, the Celtics snatched the title the old fashioned way with team basketball, focused defense, and consistent play from a deep bench.  Other thoughts:

-  Most touching moment of the night had to be KG to Bill Russell:  "I hope I made you proud, man."

-  Ray Allen ties an NBA finals record with 7 three pointers.  Although Pierce walked away with the MVP, Jesus was a consistent force from start to finish of this series

-  Eddie's skillz, P.J. Brown's toughness, Powe's hustle, even a Big Baby sighting.  How much fun is the Celtic's bench?

-  Talk about defensive shut down:  Celtics had more steals than the Lakers had field goals in the first half.

-  Coming soon to TBS, the new situational comedy "Pau Gasol and the Eurosofties".  Sample bit of dialogue:

Gasol:  Did you see flop to court?  Me play defense.

Vujabitch:  Yes!  Yes!  Me take shot.  Three balls for Sasha.  

Radmanovich:  I must break you.

-  Red Auerbach's all time final record remains intact.  It was a long time coming, but The Truth reigns supreme.

-  Schadenfreude in Boston.  Schadenfreude in Memphis.

-  Are you ready for a parade?

Rest in Peace: Pandora (1993-2008)

Last night, our cat Pandora passed away at age fifteen.  Although I post eponymously as "Pandyora" on this blog,  our brave little cat was not dedicated to cruelty.  She was dedicated to snuggles and soft paws.  She will be missed.

Abolish Interleague Play

Even though he is Yankee, you hate to see Chien-Ming Wang injuring himself running the basepaths.  Like Crash Davis, I am of the belief that the designated hitter should be abolished, but until that happens, we shouldn't ask pitchers to do things they haven't properly trained for simply so the fans can see novelty match ups.

In related news, did nobody at the Associated Press copyedit the headline  "Yankees' Wang injured against Houston"?  I mean, why not have published "Yankees' Wang, Tumescent until the Sixth Inning, Wilts after Injury."

Game Five Twitters

Celtics go down big early but manage to claw their way back.  Once again, even though it is a loss, I am optimistic that the Celtics kept it close in a game where you knew the Lakers would play with desperate energy and a number of the Celtics starters were limited by injuries.  Other thoughts:

-  Jeff Van LegHug on Luke Walton:  "he has great basketball IQ, but poor lateral movement,"  which is a polite way of saying "Luke Walton is a white guy, but he basically sucks."

-  Whiney McRapist heaves the ball out of bounds and has the temerity to bitch out Gasol for not rolling off the pick.  Maybe Schilling was right. 

-  Forget about teh suck, that Bill and Luke Walton halftime feature was touching.  But if I am playing pickup basketball at the Walton's, I am so picking Larry Bird first.

-  With 9:26 left in the 3rd Quarter, the following exchange occurs:

Mike Breen: "Derek Fisher appears to be in some discomfort."

My Wife:  "Good!  The little bitch!"  (awkward pause)  "I hope its psychological discomfort."

-  It will be good to be home.  Assuming the plane ever gets here.

Game Four Twitters

Greatest comeback ever or greatest choke ever?  Other thoughts:

-  Farmar's off kilter buzzer beater at the end of the first half was pretty much indicative of everything that went wrong in the first half

-  Ray Allen driving at will past a flat footed Vujabitch was pretty much indicative of everything that went right in the second half

-  My wife - a feminist and all around enlightened women - turns to me in the second quarter and declares:  "Derek Fisher is a little bitch."  Yes, yes he is. 

-  How many WEEI callers will be calling for Doc Rivers' head today?  Coach's decision to go small and spread the floor with Posey and House was inspired.

-  Garnett finally realizes that he has a post up game to go along with his mid-range jumper

-  Whiney McRapist explaining how the Lakers will bounce back from the lost:  "Whine about it, a lot of wine, a lot of beer, a couple of shots, maybe like 20 of them, digest it, get back to work.  Northing you can do."  In related news, Kobe Bryant found dead this morning in an apparent case of alcohol poisoning.

Inspirational Rays

Inspired by a recent series of posts over at FireJoeMorgan:

Old School Honkeys of the NBA: Rik Smits

Back in middle school, we used to play pick-up basketball with this awkwardly tall, slightly oafish looking white guy from Indiana.  Not surprisingly, his nickname was Rik Smits.

The inspiration for my friend's nom de guerre played his entire career with the Indiana Pacers, averaging 14.8 points as the Pacers' second all-time leading scorer.

Although the "Dunking Dutchman" towered 7'4" tall, he only managed to average 6.1 rebounds per game, a career mark matched by other notable centers like Jason Kidd, Clyde Drexler and Luol Deng.

Since his retirement, Smits has been perfecting his awkward whiteness by pursuing a career in competitive motocross and attending Marist College alumni reunions.  

Bonus circle of whiteness:  during the 1989/90 and 1992/93 seasons, Smit suited up alongside Detlef Schrempf.  

[Note:  this post is part of an on-going series highlighting the achievements of painfully-white white basketball players]

The Final Straw...

So Schilling's blog post was a bit inane, but did Whiney McRapist really need to respond to it with this:

"You're asking for my response to it?"  said Bryant.  "Go Yankees."

Game Three Twitters

I know I should be deflated by this loss, but even in a game where Pierce and Garnett are relatively silent, the Celtics team defense keeps them in the game. Plus, given the struggles Allen was having earlier in the playoffs, its nice to seem him stepping up.  Other thoughts:

-  Why is it that when Rondo goes down with a potentially serious ankle injury, that I suddenly get very very nervous about the "skillz" of Eddie House?

-  P.J. Brown to Farmar:  "Kid, I've pooped out turds tougher than you."

-  The marketing team responsible for the Incredible Hulk needs to realize that the more we see of this movie, the more it looks like it is going to suck.

-  Speaking of teh suck, how about that Luc Walton air ball?

-  Between Vujacic and Radmanovic, any chance Bush will deploy vowels to the Staples Center?

Shocker! Phil Jackson is whining

Yeah, I know this isn't shocking news, but the "Zen Master" coach (who has a talent for coaching talented players) is whining about the officiating again.   This time he is complaining about the foul differential in Game 2.   

What garbage.  As a poster noted on King Kaufman, as of 5:56 left in the 4th Quarter, the Lakers had committed 23 fouls, the Celtics 21.   The Celtics took advantage of these fouls, shooting more free throws, but it was not as if the officials were blowing their whistles only in the Celtics favor.

But more importantly, what exactly is the explanation for why the Lakers shot so few free throws?  It seems to me that there are a couple of possibilities:

(1) the Celtics were playing a more aggressive style of basketball and thus drawing more fouls

(2) the referees were subconsciously biased in favor of the Celtics because of the home court, their nice white jerseys or some other nebulous factor

(3)  David Stern has installed buzzers in the referee's pants which go off every time a Laker player breathes on Ray Allen

Seems to me that Leon POW!  kept going to the free throw line because he was hustling up and down the court and snagging rebounds.  But never underestimate David Stern...

Game 2 Twitters

The Celtic's defensive collapse at the end of the fourth quarter was alarming, but a couple of clutch free throws seal the deal.  Bring on the Staples Center and those arrive late, leave early Lakers fans.  Other thoughts:

-  Whiney McRapist getting T'ed up for bitching about touch fouls.  That is irony.

-  Hidden Powe comes up big with 21 points, including a series of breathtaking dunks to close out a mega third quarter.

-  Every time Rondo passes up an open jump shot, a puppy dies.  

-  People often say that Pau Gasol is Kobe's Scottie Pippen.  What a huge insult to Gasol.

-  As much as I love out-of-bounds hustle plays, Odom spiking the ball on a prone P.J. Brown was busch league.

-  Overheard in Cambridge:  "Driving that train, high on cocaine, why does my Luke continue to bring teh suck."

Old School Honkeys of the NBA: Jeff Hornacek

It is a tall task to be the most awkward white guy on the court when suiting up with the likes of John Stockton and Greg Ostertag.  Fortunately, Jeff Hornacek was up to the task.

King of the short pants, pride of the pasty thighs, "Horny" was a pure shooting guard.  He shot a career 40.3% from beyond the arc, at one point setting an NBA record for 8 consecutive three-pointers in a single game.

Hornacek is probably best remembered for stroking his face three times before every free throw attempt - allegedly a tribute to this three kids, but a habit that ironically made him look like a child molester.   The creepy routine worked, however.  Horny was a career 87.7% free throw shooter, good for twelfth highest in NBA history.

[Note:  this post is part of an on-going series highlighting the achievements of painfully-white white basketball players]

Game 1 Twitters

I had intended to do a thorough finals preview, involving extensive sabermetric breakdowns of the individual matchups.  But the real world intervened, so instead, some random thoughts:

-  Paul Pierce...Willis Reed or Drama Queen?  Who cares, that four point play was brilliant.

-  Half Court violations the decider?  Gasol gets penalized by a bogus half court violation call.  Kevin Garnett dives for a jaw dropping half court ball save.

-  Crouching Brown, Hidden Powe...one makes fantastic hustle plays on defense, the other pounds the offensive glass.

-  Space Alien Sighting!  Cassell, hot in the first half, jacking up ill advised shots in the second. 

-  Do you think the marijuana addled brain of Bill Walton notices when his son brings teh suck?

-  Phil Jackson - the proclaimed "master of the strategic time out" by Jeff Van LegHug - can't get his team to foul when they are down by three possessions with under a minute to go? 

-  Celtics win!

Bermuda Triangle at Fenway

Four questions for the faithful:

1.  Coco Crisp as a welterweight boxer?

2.  Jacoby twisting his wrist on a webgem?

3.  Manny and Youk jawing in the dugout?

4.  Sweeping the "hot young team"...worth it?

Old School Honkeys of the NBA: Detlef Schrempf

With an unpronounceable German name and a horrible flattop haircut,  Detlef Schrempf was the epitome of the white European basketball import during the mid-1990s.

Although a small forward, "the Grand Teuton" was  a beast from downtown.  He was a career 38.4% from behind the arc, making an impressive 51.4% of his three-point attempts during the 1994-1995 season.

Not only did Schrempf pave  the way for future Eurotrash superstars like Dirk Nowitzki and Andrei Kirilenko, he also inspired Seattle's Band of Horses to write a love song in his honor.

With the Sonics set to leave Seattle, we have probably seen the last of Schrempf.

[Note: this post is part of an on-going series highlighting the achievements of painfully-white white basketball players]