FENWAY PARK, BOSTON MA - In a shocking turn of events, Boston closer Jonathan Papelbon chose the celebration following last night's playoff clinching win over the Cleveland Indians as the time to announce his sudden return to his distant home world.
"My fellow Bots need me," the enigmatic Red Sox pitcher said via one of his speaking antennae. "I cannot go into the details, but let me be clear - I will not allow the Papelhive to be threatened by the evil forces of the Imperium."
While Papelbon's decision took many of his teammates by surprise, they were supportive of his decision. "We all understand what he's going through," said team captain Jason Varitek. "When your Adromidean sea slugs are threatened, its not time to focus on baseball."
J.D. Drew addressed the matter directly - "when the Galactic Queen Eliumphiartus calls, you go."
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