Bristol, Connecticut wins Douchebag USA contest

I am in the process of moving from Boston to Western Mass, which is one of the reasons why posting has been so light as of late.  An additional side effect is that I have cancelled my newspaper subscription and boxed up my old Sporting News magazines, all of which has made me dependent on ESPN for my daily sports updates (I am boycotting the Hazel Mae-less SportsDesk).

Now I know complaining about ESPN is both redundant and futile.  SportsCenter hasn't been a respectable show in years.  Whether its the Coors Light Six Pack of Shouting, the Gatorade Nu-Metal Ultimate Highlight, or the What to Watch on our ABC Family of Networks™ - the show has gone from being a collection of highlights and witty banter to essentially one long advertisement mixed with bloviating pinheads.

To make matters worse, it seems like every few months the suits in Bristol cook up some promotion to try to raise buzz about the show.  A couple of months ago it was the "The Greatest Highlight" contest in which ESPN pitted great inspiring sports moments against one another, all of which would have been pretty okay had ESPN not overdubbed the classic calls with Chris Berman and his tired catchphrases.   

ESPN's latest exercise in stupidity is its "Titletown USA" contest, in which fans get to choose which city is the best sports city in America.   What exactly is the point of this "award"?  Is Titletown USA bequeathed a Stuart Scott commemorative booya?  

But more importantly, even if this wasn't one giant popularity contest, what would the criteria be to select Titletown in the first place?  It seems highly dependent on your favorite sport.  Pro football fans will probably gravitate towards Green Bay or San Francisco.  College basketball fans will be boosters of Lawrence or Chapel Hill.  If you are going by pro sports championships, New York or Boston are the obvious choices.  But if intercollegiate athletics are your bag, Palo Alto or Louisville are both reasonable picks.

The most ludicrous inclusion on the list are high school football towns like Massillon Ohio or Valdosta Georgia.  Its not that these teams aren't good or their fans aren't rabid about high school ball.  But why these programs selected over the literally hundred of other football obsessed small towns?  Why not Oak Park, Illinois or Odessa, Texas?  Why not De La Salle High School or Carroll Senior High School?  Plus what is the message being sent when the inevitable happens and these small towns loose to some pro-sports metropolis?  Its as if ESPN is saying "suck it high school athlete, America thinks you are  small fry compared to Detroit or Los Angeles."

In the end, all of this is the sports equivalent of the "who would win a fight between a polar bear and a badger?" game  (Hint: the answer is Chuck Norris).  But what will they think of next - rank classic sports highlights based on cinematography and sound editing?  Choose the next great pro-athlete turned pitchman?   (Hint: the answer is Hulk Hogan.)

All I know is that I am boycotting this garbage.  Even though Boston is on the list (and may well have a legitimate claim given its multitude of pro championships across all four major sports), I refuse to vote in this trumped up popularity contest.  

Choke-i-ness

Nothing cleanses the pallet more than a couple of well played games against the Spanks.  A 7-0 drubbing on Thursday.  A solid 6-4 victory on Independence Day.  And a frustrating but not out-of-reach squeaker yesterday.

And of course, if the Yankees are being beat, its time for someone in the front office to mouth off.  This time, it's Brian Cashman:

"One thing this same offense did last year was know how to score runs, but this year, for some reason, we don't know how to score...We're dreadful with runners in scoring position.  It's almost like we've lost our way, for some reason, in this category."

Cashman needs to revisit the stats.  With two outs and runners in scoring position, the 2007 Yankees hit .272 with a .357 OBP and a 106 OPS+.  In identical situations this season, the Yankees are hitting .265 with a .362 OBP and a 109 OPS+.  In other words, the two teams are virtually identical in "clutch" situations, with a slight edge to the more recent vintage.

Part of the reason that the 2007 Spankees may have had the superficial appearance of being more clutch is that they were simply better.  They had a higher OBP (.366 to .342) and a higher OPS+ (118 to 105).  

Last season's Spanks also hit in more clutch situations.  The 2007 Yankees had an average of 4.7 clutch AB per game compared with 4.4 clutch ABs per game so far for this season's club.  That may not seem like a whole bunch, but over the course of a 162 game season, it adds an additional 48.6 PAs, roughly 12.8 runs.

The bottom line - the better you are, the more clutch situations you create and the better you perform in those situations.  Contra Cashman, the 2008 Yankees aren't chokers, they simply aren't as good.   

Cashman's belief in the mystical power of the clutch, yet another reason why "In Theo We Trust."

Sox Swept

Last night's game was the nadir of the season so far (and no, I don't mean this assclown).   In each of the games in this series, the Sox found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  I know a just single series, but still it was ugly.  Commence rant:

-  What is up with the bullpen?  In game one, Chris Smith surrenders the go ahead run in the seventh.  In game two, Craig Hansen does the same in the eight.  But the bullpen saved its best for game three, where Delcarmen and Hansen combined to give up six earned runs without recording an out in the seventh.  It was a masterful collapse, a meltdown for the ages, the Sistine Chapel of Turdblossoms.

-  What is wrong with Jason Veritek?  For his third straight game in a row, the stalwart captain comes to the plate in the ninth with someone on base and he makes an out.  And could someone please explain to me how forcing Tek to try the hit and run when he is in a slump is a good thing?  Remy kept going on about how Francona is trying to do anything to help "get him started", but surely trying to make contact on a hit and run has to be one of the more difficult plays in baseball, let alone when your batting average is imploding faster than Amy Winehouse.

-  Beyond that, what is wrong with the offense?  Manny was 1-11 in the series.  Lowell was 1-12.  The Sox were a combined 3-14 with RISP.  Julio Lugo continues to earn his keep as "Señor Automatic Out."  The Rays have a good pitching staff sure, but the Sox could sure use some Papi.

-  And finally, what is up with Tropicana Field?  Is this a baseball stadium or a Disney theme park?  Baseball wasn't meant to be played with aquatic animals swimming nearby.  Fly balls are not supposed to ricochet off catwalks.  Right field lines are not supposed to border standing room party pens filed with rotund middle aged frat boys.  Baseball should not be played in air conditioning.  Managers should not resemble famous architects.  And your team logo should not look like a giant flying vajayjay.

You can boast now Tampa Bay.  You can play "Sweet Caroline" after last night's sweep.  But at some point (and please G-d make it some point soon), you are destined to regress to the mean.  End rant...