October 13, 2008

Random Rant: Novelty Fans



I have written on this before.  But in light of the first two ALCS games at the Arm Pit, I wanted to reiterate my hatred for the fact that teams are now passing out novelty items to spur their "fans" to do the things real fans do every time they come to the ballpark - make noise on behalf of their team.

The madness has to stop.   Unless you are rassling livestock in between innings, there is no reason to bring a cowbell to the stadium.  Unless you are planning to pray to Ojibe the Rain Spirit during pitching changes, you should leave your thundersticks in the car.  And no matter how terrible you think it makes you, nobody is at all intimidated just because you are waiving around a white dish towel.  

If you want to spur on your team, clap the meaty thundersticks God gave you.  If you want to convey your dedication, open your mouth and make some noise with the fleshy cowbell in the back of your throat.  If you want to strike terror in your opponents, get on your feet and root root root for the home team.

Real baseball fans do not need gimmicks.  They do not need to be prompted by sketches on the jumbotron.  They do not need to be lured to the ballpark by promises of aquatic animals or air conditioning.   They do not need to be urged to their feet by a deadbeat in a blue afro.  Real fans are willing to brave freezing temperatures and beer soaked bleachers because they love their team.  

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